Time

The atlas for our personal route is time. Time is what tells us when we take a new step on our development to keep up with the lifecycle. Time states us the years, the days and the seconds since we were born. Time define when we are capable to drive a car, when we are authorised to go home from work and when the cake has the right consistent to be taken out from the oven.

We feel time control our ageing, the amount of responsibility we should carry on our shoulders. Is this right? That time pedals both worth and capacities. I would rather transform my knowledge about time how I see it and reflect life as timeless.

How to fit it in our society? It takes effort but this is something I start to see even some companies have understood. Working with flexible working hours, to make sure the job is done rather than that the 8 hours are filled with work. The outcome of achievement will probably be the same, but personally I would feel more motivation if I saw the goal more than the ticking clock.

Time gives us a reason to be stressed, to be late, and to hamper what we can from what we want to do. “I have no time” we all said that, but time is not ours to own, time has its own life and time shouldn’t be guilty for us, we should be responsible for time.

Ever had that feeling of not knowing the time and suddenly acknowledging it to get the sudden moment of landing on earth again? Because as soon as we feel lost and different we look for our map to hold on to the only thing that never changes in our eyes, the numbers that line up on our wrist, on our phone and on our walls, Time.

Do we forget how time means different for every single individual? That time can be altered on diverse parts of the world, AT THE SAME TIME? Why do we trust our every move in something that is the least reliable part of our lives? Time never run out, time never stops, it doesn’t fly away. Time is just another word for eternity. You however can run out, you can stop, you can fly away and you can choose  eternity away. I won’t. 

Acceptance

What we construct in life is a story. The story we express in slight portions for the ones that cross our paths. We demonstrate the story we hunger to remain and leave the parts we distaste outside. Because we have the power to do so. No one can make you to tell the story you never told or mentioned. We sometimes however forget that the story usually also belongs to someone else and their story might be told, shared and judged. You heard the expression how things in the end unfold anyways and it will be a backfire for the pride you tried to save.

I don’t even think honesty is the real answer, I think acceptance is what makes it work out. We need to accept when we feel and what we feel. We should accept everything we done, the decisions we made and the steps we decided to take. Honesty is almost unnecessary because our story is already told and written in our eyes. The hiding is not for others it is for us.

 I meet people telling me a story that their eyes don’t tell and instead of doubting them I doubt myself being considered not to accept their real story. I was judgemental once, my glass box I lived in was narrow and I wanted only my vision to fit in, I felt my opinion was the right one.

The more experience I gained I found peace in the acceptance. It is simple.

When I started writing I wanted to change how people where thinking, then I came to the stage when I felt influencing the thinking would be enough and today I woke up and felt acceptance of how each individual see things. I realised that I’m not writing to make others see, I am writing to accept what I see.

The core of my existent is to inspire, not to force a change. I feel relived because the ability to accept is valued more than being disappointed of not being influential enough for the change to come. 

PS. Christmas soon btw! this is a year ago when i met littlesanta:)

desire to discover

What we miss in life nowadays is mystery. Most things we can Google the rest we find on Facebook. Our way to connect is not only a blessing it is also a curse. We don’t have to wait for a Sunday to go shopping, we click it home. We don’t need to step outside to discover the knowledge we need today. We don’t need to walk through a library filled with old books to have a good read, we already know what we need and we can read it online. We don’t even have to lift our arm to flick through a bunch of photos thoughtfully placed to match the different occasions in our lives, we have Instagram. I don’t even need to speak to put my opinions and thoughts out loud, I have a blog.

Our desire to discover the world as it is has changed to something else, our adventures is losing its charm. Our day to day life is a screen bombarding us with information we learned to deal with. Speed is the word to define us. We live faster to make time go faster and the fact is also we barely appreciate the time. 

I want us to remember the traditional ways and sometimes still make use of them. We should bring mystery to our lives again. Don’t google the guy/girl you like, don’t poke them on facebook, enjoy the unawareness, find the beauty in a library filled with stories, make an occasion of looking through a photo-album and make that walk to the shopping mall a day of adventures. Don’t sit your life away even if facebook see themselves as useful as chairs. We don’t want to sit, we want to live, we want to walk, run and jump when we are happy not change our status. We want to at least call our friends on their birthdays not write on their walls. We want to design our own invitations. I am not against it, I use it very frequently but I want to keep the small things in life that makes waiting fun. I want to keep the feeling of desire to discover, I want to chase my dream not getting it thrown at me. 

If you had nothing to lose

Imagine if you had nothing to lose or knew your life would end within the next month... Wouldn’t the choices you made from that moment be braver, dangerous and much more spontaneous?  

Some people make immoral choices because they feel they lost everything important, they see no point to live a limited life and some move on to commit crimes or long-term self-destruction with drugs and alcohol as their only companion.

Yesterday it hit me that we should turn it around. We all should stop being frightened of losing the skeleton of our values and beliefs.  Because the main cores that restrict us are dignity, culture, society norms and how we were brought up. Why do people tend to get more outrageous when they consume alcohol? Because our consequence thinking gets pretentious and less significant.

I’m not saying we should now rob banks and kill each other but we should act like we were limitless. I think as much as the man who has nothing to lose is the most dangerous one also the person without limits is the most powerful one.

I’m learning each day to fight the graved in obstacles of how to live my life, I slowly allow myself to think into directions that would be reflected childish and completely unrealistic. I start to question each of my believes by destructing it to the point where I tell myself this is not an opinion I created from experience, this is something I was told.

Judging in certain ways, attitudes to people and the way of understanding the world are all opinions that lived through generations. I would like to be reborn on a grown-up bases and see everything freshly. This might sound like a journey backwards but I guess that is what I am doing by breaking my head, my heart and my soul free from opinion-chains of a past that is not even lived by me. 

Depth of oceans

Every now and then we break down, we self-destruct because we lost control.

I had it last week, perhaps for the last one and half week. I lost the mechanism of my procedures and sacked it all together. But I detained to the small details of my days to not be bottomless hooked in the depth of ocean.

Slowly I felt like my inner shine was less marvellous and I felt every day tougher to get back on track. There were some flashes that made me consider myself being in control again but I was not really there. Yesterday it really felt like a moment where I wanted to feel sorry about my stomach pain and the disability to do my work out or keep a clean diet. 

I found myself WAITING for the stomach pain to disappear instead of work through it. I heard my thoughts saying “well you cannot do much about stomach pain” and this morning I woke up with the same shit mood as the last few mornings..

BUT because I analyse every inch of my dissatisfaction I realised it wasn’t about stomach pain, it was about the promise I made to myself to clean my room and had been pushing away for a week. As simple as it sounds this was really the case. , so I did it, I took my ass out from bed and cleaned my room. And suddenly the stomach pain was gone and I decided to do my work out. And now here I am, I feel strong and in control. I’m back in my body mentally and physically.

I am a believer in details of details. We say that the small things matters to make us happy, but it also work the other way around. Mostly the bigger part of life is fine but it is easier to blame it on the society and surrounding rather than an untidy room.

The feeling of guilt is what grow a feeling of something being wrong and the more we let it grow the less we are likely to know where the feeling came from. We have to get better to listen to ourselves, dear to take action and not to blame guilt away.

 We have to be honest to ourselves, to see beyond the drama that is created and laugh to the simple conclusion of the misery. 

Just to prove my theory I took a picture of myself before I started cleaning and one now; same day, same outfit, same person but still so different.  

INNERSHINE MATTERS!:)

The rush & Pursuit

Life is not destined to get through, life is about the pursuit, the rush and most essential, the path. I recognize how we frequently set our life goals so distant in the future that we overlook what we have in our hands now. If you are reading this you have time, you have a computer and a basic awareness to get through the world of social network. You can read, you can write and you maybe even can understand. You have memories you can relate my thoughts to, you also have big goals and dreams you want to achieve. A mind that is yours and a life you can change if you wanted to.

What do we aim for? Money? Happiness? Time? Safety? Love? All of it? Why do we get bored? How can we let that happen? I often remember when I told my mum I was bored she gave me a speech about that life is not about doing things to make time go faster is about doing as much as you can and wish time could go slower. It should be like a luxury chocolate bar, something you want to eat fast but still enjoy as much as possible, because when its gone you can feel the bitter sweetness on your tongue, like a past so close you almost could grab it.

I have my days when I can watch my red carpet and wish to be somewhere else but then I know I chose this and if I would really want to go I would have left. I’m not scared to let go of safety, or break commitments I don’t want to commit to. I’ve learned to separate actual thoughts from hormones and sudden dissatisfaction caused of too many hours of sleep.

 Make sure when you cannot chew your food anymore that you still can show the world a hell of a toothless smile! Then you have a story, your story. 

-Yaya, 2012 

Because I am me.

For a long while I thought finding me was a task to take on by my own with my mind as my only tool. But people see you more than you see yourself. They you see you when you smile, they see you in moments you don’t know you are being watched and they can catch those details of joy in your eyes that you won’t notice in a mirror. The more right people I surrounded myself with the more I started to see myself through their eyes and in that way I built a very high knowledge of who I am.

To have the full control of who you is not easy, every word that are spoken from your mouth, every decision you do and every direction you may take will be your own without going through a filter of an image. Because you are an original.

Update as promised

Shoho!

Just wanted to say I posted an update about the Insanity workout, so check out if you are interested. I'm getting my ass back to study som contemporary issues in Marketing. Contemporary is such a hard word to even think about saying 5 times. Try it! Well I guess that is the disadvantage of not being a native english speaker. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aypWfRcXyhU&feature=plcp

Doors of minds

Past, presence and future. It is all labels on times of our lives. Some people tell you to let go of the past, some tell you to let go of the presence and you often hear to let go of your future plans. What I think it is about are doors. Some doors are open some are closed, some are locked and some don’t even have key hole. But just the fact that the door is there shows the existent of whats behind it.

For every experience, thought, dream you create a door, if you open it, walk through it or even lock it to throw away the key is up to you. You can close the way through the door, but the door will remain and you should accept it.

Don’t let go, close the door, give it a nice colour and let it be a memory in your life.

Today I decided to close some doors; I made them green and blue. Its magic doors but they are not ready to be opened yet J

About something else! Insanity is going very well! Update every week so video on Tuesday;)

Project staaaaaaaaaart!!

Alright It's on!

It'smy first videolog in a very long time so please let me get warm in front of the camera haha. I hope the uhmm and aahmms will fade away with time:) 

http://www.youtube.com/user/yayaloveez/videos?flow=grid&view=0
And that will be my channel for the next 60 days:)
WISH ME LUCK!

Unturned stones

Are some words better unspoken? I heard that you should never leave any stone unturned. But words are powerful, can they become true as soon as they are spoken loud or are have they already affected you because you thought about them?
I have a different feeling inside me and I can't locate it. It feels happy but confused. But the biggest surprise is that I dont feel the need to understand it. I would like to, but I can live without knowing. Great, I am confusing you now. But this is exactley why some things can't be explained in any normal language. It is what I belive an expression of the language we speak in our dreams or that is reflected in our eyes, the language of the truth everyone could see, hear and listen if they opened up.
I lately felt a big change coming to my life, and I might have thought it would be something visual but as the days pass I start to realize it is something inside me. I feel a new fire inside my bones, it is warm and gives me the feeling to be not only good but the best person I could be.

Random list

1. I’m doing this to avoid my 4 chapters to read..

2. The biggest compliment I can get is that I have been some kind of inspiration

3. I enjoy being outside in the rain if I’m not wearing make-up

4. I cant separate left from right so I named my left foot Leila and my right to Ryan

5. I like geek communities

6. I have no clue what I will be doing directly after university 

7. I hate to take baths, while many people find them relaxed I find it stressful to have the pressure to relax (wtf?)

8. I make funny faces when no one can see, just because I can.. sometimes I get caught in action

9. If I like a song I hate it the next day because ive listened to it nonstop @home @uni @gym and on my way to everywhere..

10. I eat things I’m allergic to so I can test my limits of intolerance

11. My last birthday my best friend gave me things such as Pokémon cards and a Pocahontas necklace, does my endless happiness say a lot about me?

12. It takes at least 4 tries for me to correct my autocorrect mistake

Sometimes I question education. Not the learning, I know theory and practice have a link to eachother. But I question the lines and restrictions that puts us in the very same box. Why do we have a wordcount and why does our work have to be graded? I want a feedback without a letter telling me if it is a pass or a fail. 

"well some people need guidelines", sure but when you want to know something you will reasearch it and you will know it by heart anyways. 

Why do we have exams where we have to tick boxes? My learning does not work like that.. I learn by writing and discussing oppinions. Of course it depends on the subject, but in my case a wordcount and a grading system wont help me. 

I think education should be more individual and personalised , why does my answers in a exam explain my abilities. I dont need it to show i can kick ass if i work with what i feel passionate about? 

FINE I admit I dont want to read all this 4 chapters so I am trying to find an excuse by being a rebel, busted. Anyways, the day has been quite good to be a dirty grey sunday, I feel on top. Motivation for the training is still as high as yesterday and the diet is flowing. However I saved the foodshopping for tomorrows morningwalk. Mohaha! Being sneeky to trick myself is approved right?:)

Anyways back to reading.. just 70 pages left , paperthin, colorless and minimini letters.. Well well!

Goodnight

Bye bye bodyfat

So the last three weeks Ive been allowing myself to not eat too strict, more carbs and maybe a bit too much sweets:) I did it so I could lift more heavy weights in the gym but now its time to define the muscles behind all that bubbly mass!

I know it will be hard to combine this hardcore training with studies and keep the energy up to be the happyme. But I will do it. I will give myself 8 weeks starting today/tonight. (more if needed of course)

Todays training was all about legs and abs. Because of the changed eating i feel full of water and its ennoying haha. But I start to see the muscles get bigger and I feel much stronger. 

SO I decided to put up as much of my training+nuitrition as possible from now.

I consumed squash soop, kasein and protein shake and salmon today. Oh and 2 cups of coffee. 
And a promise to myself is to force myself to drink water, tripple than what I do know.


Week 1 will look like this:
In total I will eat 8400 kcal which will be :40% proteins, 40% carbs and 20% fat
Tomorrow I will have to prepare the food for the week and tonight I will write everything down. 

My training week: 
Monday : 1 hour morning cardio and 2 hours basketball in the evening
Tuesday; Morning cardio/jog + strength
Wednesday; possibly basketball or otherwise strength and swimming
Thursday; Basketball 2 hours + strenght
Friday: Strength
Saturday; REST
Sunday: High intensive and low intensive training and some dancing in my room

 yes Im sweating like a pig :) (from today)

That is why little piggy went to ..

The definition of friendship can be designated with principles and values, from individual to soul, it is altered for one and all. Existent companionship for me is not in what way the friend is but who I am when I’m with the person.  It’s somebody who speaks when silence is the politest confrontations, someone who you think of when got trouble or when you have the best time of your life. It is someone who creates a laugh so blameless that you even giggle about it subsequently.

A real friend only shows you who you truly are, they don’t try to change you. Imagine a world where thoughts don’t have to be articulated, where words lost their significance and actions has to be taken to persist, where you are chained to feel and appreciate everything you regulated. When someone makes a world like that great to live in, then you have a friendship worth having.

There are friendships created when pain has searched a companion, some are made when good times are lived but a real friendship grows on us like a tree made of iron, breakable in storms but still remaining steady in the ground.

I don’t need a hug when I’m sad, I don’t need a cute text telling me it is going to be alright. I just need that very friend to give me a kick in the ass and tell me to deal with it. Honesty may be raw and un pretty but let’s face it, aren’t we all already exposed to enough pretending and double messages in our world? Become friends with honesty and honesty would become your friend.  

:) little piggy had fat toes... 

Freedom makes you powerful

Ever had the feeling of pure satisfaction without any special reason? Butterflies in your stomach without being in love? I call it the feeling of freedom. The only thing I value more than anyone and anything is to be free, in my mind and in my soul.

To be free is to be powerful, freedom and independence walk hand in hand but it is not the same. Since I took baby steps outside my safety box I’ve become a free spirit. Nowadays bad energy is something I can dust off my shoulders without any problem. Negative fuel doesn’t seem to be absorbed in my aura and I love it. I feel pure and strong and I guess I sound like a hippie but I want to encourage you guys to be brave enough to feel happiness.

We often sit around and wait for something bad to happen as soon as we feel on top, and trust me something will happen. There is no way you can avoid obstacles in life but there is hundred ways to overcome them. And guess what, a big fat smile is a good start!

At the moment my mind is free, open and brave. Tomorrow it maybe will be crushed, captured and scared but because I am addicted to the power of freedom I will get back to the feeling I want to have. There is no way I will wish for tomorrow to come or be scared to enjoy the life I have been given..for what? In the end everyone choose their own suffer and mine got disqualified.

So do me a favour, whatever problem you have, IT WILL WORK OUT, like all the times before, so smile to some happy souls today, share some dreams with people you love and kick that darkness back to the black hole it came from.

My dream is to be an inspiration for happiness, achievements and love. What’s yours?

Lonesomeness is not sad but a blanch page in the story of your life

There are days I feel I need no one, that I could move to the end of the world on my own and live on a nice hill with sunny days and star filled skies and still feel happy. BUT what a lonely wolf cannot do is to live without sharing a story. And this might sound egoistic but human beings love to share their stories, some do it for a good cause others because they are so caught up by themselves.

Telling a funny story is easy but to describe a moment of depth is almost impossible to share with someone who didn’t experience the same moment.

And even if I feel confident in my writing I am awful at telling a story that is not theoretically funny. Because I feel there are reactions that haven’t been labelled with names yet so how could I tell my story with the wrong words?

It is like in the movie into the wild, when he sees the sun shine and forgives the people he cared about and realise moments are not of value if you cannot share it with the people in your life. He experienced something amazing but only had a book to put his moments in. And years later his life was shared in the whole world as book and as a movie…

But then there are friends that you don’t really have to explain anything to, who just understands. Friends you can be silent with but still talk to or talk in language you invented a second ago and still have a normal conversation.

For me the worst and the best moments are when something happens in my day life and I already can picture the conversation with my friends about it in my head. It’s the worst because they are not actually sharing the moment but the best because I know exactly how it would feel to share it.

 

 

What family means to me

They say in sickness and health, I would say that in life and death you will always be my leading star. A car needs petrol, a flower needs water and sunshine but I just need you in my thoughts to survive anything. You make me stronger every day, the power in your hearts and minds fill me with harmony. It’s hard for me to put in words how great people you are. I love you for trusting me, for giving me the opportunity to develop and become the strong woman I am now. You gave me the confident to do anything and do it good. I say you and I but at the end of the day we are the same soul in separated bodies.

I walk in shoes made of Inspiration

I sense there are two types of inspiration. One is the one you get when you see pictures, videos or texts that pulls of a trigger in your bones and contributes you to sense “I can do it”. And then there is the inspiration that can catch your nature, from people to people, when you feel their courageousness and perceive the fire in their eyes so clear you get shudders. “I want to do it”                                   I find genuine untainted inspiration in day to day life. An old woman smiling to me creates a chain reaction and I will smile to every grumpy and happy old soul I meet on the street that day.

There is a difference between inspiration and motivation, people can motivate you without inspire you but they can’t inspire you without motivating you. When I feel my inspiration is losing the spark I don’t sit down to Google images that makes me motivated. You see, these things works for short-term.. when I need inspiration I turn to people I love and they will inspire me without even knowing it. Not by advices but because they care I will do whatever it takes to not let them down.

In the same way my mum taught me how to appreciate what I have we have to dear to love what we will have. Because inspiration and motivation, I have learned, is the gap between reality and victory.

I want to thank all people who until now gave me the inspiration to take steps in deep unknown water, for giving me pure motivation and making me set all my basic values after one simple rule, to be fearless and adore the gold of the presence and not carve the past in stones to carry on our shoulders.

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

 

What airplanes means to me

Travelling alone has become my passion the last 2 years. Not to only to see the famous buildings and visit the places to be in, but to live in and get to know a city inside out. The tourist routines I’ve done with my family, every summer we visited a new country and Daddy showed us all the “must sees”. But it’s not until lately I understood the real pleasure of visiting other countries.

I love the feeling to land somewhere completely new, the weird feeling of homesickness that instantly hits you because everything is new and you feel like you just were born and have to learn everything new again. But I also think that is what makes people grow, when you meet barriers you didn’t even know existed and have to dig deep in yourself to find a solution you also drag out a piece of the true inside you. And slowly you develop to the person you were meant to be as the more challenges you meet, the more you get to know yourself in all kind of surroundings.

Meeting people from different cultures and views has made me appreciate who I am a lot more than I would have done if I’ve stayed in Sweden my whole life.

Every time  I return back to Stockholm after a journey I have a backpack full of experience, two handfuls of extra self-awareness and one million stories to remember.

I am a bad tourist, if no one force me I don’t visit the “must-sees”. I am more for meeting the people of the city, to get to know their lifestyle and beliefs. To eat at their favourite restaurants and be apart of their daily life and listen to their stories so I can share and take experiences. I am like a sponge that absorbs the knowledge of the people to build my values based on the world and not the safe bubble I was born in.

During my last two years I’ve met people that literally changed my life, who put me in pathways and taking directions I would never done by myself. That is why even if I sometime think so, I never really worry about the future, I know I will find the place I should be in when the time comes. I trust my instincts too much to let the future stress me out.

I am grateful for all the mistakes I’ve done in my life, all the mental barriers I had to crush and every second of suffering I’ve been trough because all that brought me to the moment I’m in now. Nothing is perfect but I’m not looking for perfection, I found happiness and peace in myself and there is yet thousands of adventures awaiting. Just take all the chances you get, let go of safety for a while and discover yourself. 

 

 

Why are people scared to dream?

When we were children, visualising was informal. Telling the whole world you wanted to become an astronaut was a blessing not a curse. And then when you grew older people started to talk about the barriers in life. How hard everything is if you want to achieve something, how you have to be organised and responsible and calculate your steps..yadayada. Finally the dreams fade from fairy tales to suffer instead.

So there we were with the astronaut dream crushed not by ourselves but by others. And we started to second our abilities and slowly we became less and less dreamy and more adaptable to society.

I don’t think the problem is to get what you want; It is about knowing what you want to get. Because if you know what you want no one will be able to influence your mind set. A simple example is, let’s say you fell in love with a pair of shoes, it doesn’t matter how many shoes you see after that or how many people tries to imply their opinions on you.

And It is the same in life, when you know what you want (not what you need) you will get it.

I never failed anything I wanted so badly I could do anything to achieve it. Did you?