Depth of oceans

Every now and then we break down, we self-destruct because we lost control.

I had it last week, perhaps for the last one and half week. I lost the mechanism of my procedures and sacked it all together. But I detained to the small details of my days to not be bottomless hooked in the depth of ocean.

Slowly I felt like my inner shine was less marvellous and I felt every day tougher to get back on track. There were some flashes that made me consider myself being in control again but I was not really there. Yesterday it really felt like a moment where I wanted to feel sorry about my stomach pain and the disability to do my work out or keep a clean diet. 

I found myself WAITING for the stomach pain to disappear instead of work through it. I heard my thoughts saying “well you cannot do much about stomach pain” and this morning I woke up with the same shit mood as the last few mornings..

BUT because I analyse every inch of my dissatisfaction I realised it wasn’t about stomach pain, it was about the promise I made to myself to clean my room and had been pushing away for a week. As simple as it sounds this was really the case. , so I did it, I took my ass out from bed and cleaned my room. And suddenly the stomach pain was gone and I decided to do my work out. And now here I am, I feel strong and in control. I’m back in my body mentally and physically.

I am a believer in details of details. We say that the small things matters to make us happy, but it also work the other way around. Mostly the bigger part of life is fine but it is easier to blame it on the society and surrounding rather than an untidy room.

The feeling of guilt is what grow a feeling of something being wrong and the more we let it grow the less we are likely to know where the feeling came from. We have to get better to listen to ourselves, dear to take action and not to blame guilt away.

 We have to be honest to ourselves, to see beyond the drama that is created and laugh to the simple conclusion of the misery. 

Just to prove my theory I took a picture of myself before I started cleaning and one now; same day, same outfit, same person but still so different.  

INNERSHINE MATTERS!:)